It’s cold Outside.

Outsiders are what the name implies: you are outside, not a part of anything. It sure is tough living life as a complete outsider. You don’t know anyone, you can’t trust anyone, so you feel alone. Honestly that is a feeling that I absolutely dislike, because then, you have no friends to talk to, nobody to share anything with or find anyone similar to you, so you have to make friends with everyone, otherwise you are still alone.

Its because the thought of being alone is acceptable at first, but as time progresses, you slowly learn that you need someone to talk to in your life and how life is pretty pointless without people, like how crazy people stranded on islands are somehow fictionalized to have coconut friends with faces on them. Loneliness literally drives people insane.

Likewise, when I first transferred to middle school from my elementary which had oddly extended to 6th grade, unlike the rest of the schools in the district, My few friends and I found ourselves in a whole new Jungle. Everyone here had already known each other from the year before and already formed their own friend circles. Being new and a year out of place, we had no idea how to go through middle school life, while everyone else around us went on with their lives. However, like lost tourists, we could always ask the locals for directions. Being more social than me, my friends were quick to make other friends, but being socially shy, stubborn, and awkward, I initially shied away from people I didn’t know and made little interaction with them as possible. I feared that if I somehow messed up introducing myself or acted awkwardly or just embarrassed myself, I’d be permanently known as the guy who messed up, the outsider. If I had tried to jump right in and make friends with everyone, that previous sentence would apply and I’d prematurely back out of the encounter. Of course I wanted more friends, I just didn’t know how to get them.

So I tagged along with my friends who had already introduced themselves to everyone else, and just followed in their shadows. I often sat on the outskirts of group circles during lunch, just tensely but acting as calmly as I could, observed everyone else, did my best to introduce myself, join in, but because I hadn’t known everyone else, it would be hard to change from a foreigner to a local myself. About a month into the school year, way too far in now that I look at it, I had learned everyone’s name and sort of wedged myself into the line. I had gained their respect, I guess.

By the second month, I was integrated into the group of friends, and I had gotten to know about half of them. I didn’t know everyone at the school, but I had gotten enough friends at that point to call it quits. I was able to get friends and be satisfied with my progress. High school was easier because I entered with more friends than two years prior, so I was mostly satisfied with the friends I had already, but still made friends as the months went by.

Recently in high school, we read the Scarlet Letter, and as a part of the reading, we developed that the main character, Hester Prynne lived without a large community, but thrived with herself and her daughter in their own tiny community. Like then, I could fare well, despite the odds.

So, being a complete outsider is bad, but if you can become an insider in at least one thing, you’re already fine. You don’t need everything, because often the bare minimum will get you by. Make friends with people who really want friends, they might appreciate it, like me.

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